1:17, 4:44, 5:38 and then 06:45. You would think they were a tip on lottery
numbers. Actually, they are the times I
woke up last night after trying 2 nights prior of Melatonin. You know, the Melatonin that’s supposed to
make you sleep better. I have an ongoing
daytime health complaint that the doctor thought might be sleep-related. I told her, “Nope. I sleep fine.
I drop like a rock and sleep until the first time a dog needs to go out,
and then fall asleep immediately thereafter until the alarm goes off or a dog
steps on my collarbone.” (Does that
SOUND like I have trouble sleeping?) She
smiled, and told me to take Melatonin that it might help with sleeping. No.
That’s not a cut & paste sentence error. She heard exactly what I quoted to you that I
said to her. And, she reiterated a
conclusion that was incorrect. But in
the spirit of good patient etiquette, I decided to give Melatonin a try, you
know, to help with the problem I wasn’t having.
I took one Melatonin on Sunday night an hour before bed. I woke up Monday and I felt like I was in
Gloucester, the sea port: Just feeling
foggy and a bit disoriented. Like a
compliant (albeit foolish) patient, I took one again on Monday night. Tuesday, same thing. And very weird dreams. Tons of dreaming. You could wake up very tired from all the
running around super-heroing I was doing in my dreams. And I did.
So last night I said to myself, in so many words, “Melatonin? Not doing it.”
I woke up at 1:17 am.
Man, was I hot. Well, the house
was cranking 71 degrees inside, I had two dogs on either side of me and fleece
sheets. At least the electric blanket
was OFF. I think. That’s not really “trouble sleeping” – that’s
an environmental problem.
I woke up at 4:44 am.
That was a potty run for the dogs at a regularly scheduled time (T-1)
minus one hour since I had been up at 1:17 am and didn’t waste the opportunity
as far as they were concerned. Do you
know what it’s like to live with an intact male dog? When they whine like they need to go outside,
you take them outside …. Or, they go to the side of your couch …. Um,
yeah. Insert Remix of an old song
here: “It’s his potty and I’ll cry if I
want to.” I have tried so many different
cleaning products on that side of the couch that I’ve created an environmentally
hazardous smell. It least it doesn’t
smell like …
At 5:38 am I woke up because my stupid cell phone carrier
decided it was an ideal time to “update” my phone and they (wrongly) thought
that I needed a “doink” noise to let me know they were On The Job. When my cell phone “doinks” at night, I do,
in fact, get up and check it to make sure that all is well with my friends and
relatives. But if you send me a FB
update after 11 pm, note to yourself: I
will be cranky with you next day.
Yesterday I looked at the potential side effects of
Melatonin on webmd. ARE YA KIDDING ME???!!!
“However, it can cause some
side effects including headache, short-term feelings of depression, daytime
sleepiness, dizziness, stomach cramps, and irritability. Do not drive or use
machinery for four to five hours after taking melatonin.”
And
“Seizure disorders: Using melatonin might increase the risk of having a
seizure.”
So what is my point?
To the younger generation that feels free to argue anywhere, anytime,
with anybody, I guess I have no point.
To the older generation that listens to everything their doctor says or
interprets as if it was Moses coming down from Mount Sinai (“take 2 tablets and
call me in the morning.”), be your OWN best advocate. Be honest with your physician. Communicate – obviously politely – tell them
what you think. Yes, LISTEN. And Listen Carefully. But also know what is right for you. I think a wine and a nap might be right for
me.
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