So I bit the bullet, so to speak, and got a COVID vaccination. Just one so far. You know, the one that is supposed to have negligible side effects.
They said to move my arm a lot so that it would hurt
less. I am committed to Less Pain, More
Gain, so I went home and 2 hours later pulled up all the snow fencing stakes in
my front yard and rolled the unsightly orange plastic and stashed it away for
next November. It felt good and I felt
good. The next day, I worked from home,
then went into the office for a while.
Still feeling good. I went home
and visited a neighbor to show off my new 8 pound puppy that I cradled in my
arms. She slept quietly for about an
hour as I rocked her. I went inside and
the arm pain began to escalate. And
how.
By 10 pm at night I thought I should take another pain
reliever. I was reading the fine print
that said to take the minimum quantity needed.
I took one, but I was eye-balling the clock for the next time to take
it. I knew that that little pill was
going to do Not Much for me. I woke up
at 3 in the morning to take another one.
By the time morning came, I was writing anti-advertising lines for this
product.
My new side-career
in advertising & marketing:
Generic product for pain control: “Eyes-wide-Open”
The Logo will be an owl.
He needs to look like someone stepped on his foot or punched him in the
kidney.
The slogan: “So much
less pain control than the baby aspirin your mother cuts in half.”
The directions: “When
you want less gain and more pain, use EyesWideOpen.”
Building resilience through agony: “No gain; yes pain.”
Additional instructions:
When in bed for the night, be sure to lay on that side so that the pressure can evenly disperse the pain across
your whole arm before you pass out. It
will somehow feel better.
Institutional goal: “Keeping
the SUB in ‘Sub-standard pain control’.”
Unlike traditional medicine, where you are told, “Take 2
tablets and call me in the morning,” you only need to take one tablet every 4
hours. You won’t be waking up to call
anyone. You will be dead from relentless
pain.
I am wondering if I should sign myself up for an oxycodone
abusers support group NOW, before I even take one so that I am ready for Life
after the Second Vaccine. The product I
took the first time was crap. And if I,
who am pretty tough meat and usually don’t take pain relievers, say a product
is CRAP, you can take that to the Bank.
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