So I thought I would share some of the real life things that make me late... for entertainment purposes only...
>I was walking my dog Timbyr one bright sunny morning before leaving for work. I happened to notice in the tall grasses an incredible spider web. It caught dew drops on it and they sparkled in the sunlight like diamonds. I had to run inside to grab by camera so I could take a picture of it.
>I left the house a few minutes early, willing with all my might to be on time today. I took the west-bound route to work and was reveling in the feeling that I was going to sit at my desk 5 minutes early with a victorious smile on my face. I rounded the bend in the road and the police had blocked the entire road off due to a traffic accident just beyond them. Not only was I not on time, I was later than I usually am late.
>Every morning when I let my three dogs out, there is a usual routine. Valor and Sophia sleep in crates in my living room. Madeline free ranges the house. I open Sophia's crate. I open Valor's crate. He runs into Sophia's crate and grabs a chew toy or her favorite ball and taunts her to the doorway. Meanwhile I am hopping on one leg because, well, "I gotta go" too! I let them out. Madeline parks her behind on the kitchen floor and refuses to go out. Valor and Sophia get let back in, then Queen Madeline will go out. I have a crook in my neck from looking over my shoulder to see if the youngest cat is lurking nearby to make a dash for it. I do my entire morning routine, and then re-crate Valor & Sophia for the day so I can go to work. I get in the car and start it. I realize - dang - the dog toys need to go back into Sophia's crate so she won't be bored and crazy during the day. I get out of the car. I grab toys from the dog yard and bring them in to her. I notice blotches on my floor, I look at the bottom of my shoe. I think you know where THIS is going... I just want to say if I got them tee shirts, they would read: "No one is in cahoots alone."
>I got in my vehicle a bit early trying to get my tardy self into shape... you've heard this before. This time I took the east-bound route to work and got stuck behind a construction truck that was pulling forward in a way that I can only describe as "constipated" with similar sound effects. He turned off on a side street; I moved my vehicle forward to find out what was slowing the construction truck down (more): School buses. Awk.
>I got into my vehicle and backed out of the garage. I clicked the remote on the garage door. Nothing. I clicked it again. Nothing. I unbuckled my seatbelt, stuck my arm into the garage and hit the button on the wall. I returned to my vehicle and started the process again. Apparently when the temperature outside is less than 50 degrees, the remote is rather sluggish. I wonder if I threw it out the window of a speeding vehicle how many pieces it would crack into when it hit the ground at 60 miles an hour. Just sayin'.
>I got into work and it was 8:28 a.m. I was actually early - two minutes only, but I'm grateful. Then I couldn't get my desktop to "wake-up" and let me log in. I logged in at 8:34 am with a well-placed profanity and I walked over to our Everything Guy in the office to have him do something to my desktop computer. I suggested blowing it up. He chuckled.
>I got in to work and logged in at 8:34 a.m. I was mad that I missed the mark again. Then a thought came to me, "Refresh your screen." I refreshed my screen and the computer logged me in as 8:45 a.m. I marched myself over to our H.R. lady and asked her in my desperate, stressed-out voice to please look at her computer and note that it is not even 8:45 a.m. YET and my p.c. logged me in at 8:45. How can this BE?!? She had to call the software company and found out that if I am late beyond a certain time it automatically rolled me to the next 15 minute increment. I did not know whether to cry or throw up. It turns out that after reviewing ALL of the people who log in, only my log in was set up to do that. I wanted to file for harassment, but the paperwork would probably be past the deadline.
>I left the house twenty minutes early because I wanted a coffee from you-know-where: Pink & Orange, America Runs On It ... And I got in line behind no less than NINE vehicles. That particular store has a hard time moving the drive-thru traffic at a decent pace. It is SO frustrating. How early do I have to leave to not get stuck in the line? Just asking for a friend....
I was not always late. I am not late about ALL things. My first term paper in college was ready THREE MONTHS EARLY because I was so nervous about doing well in college. My peers laughed at me. I got an A. Laugh away, my friends.
I am on-time for baby deliveries. When a young mother calls and says, "I'm going to the hospital now," I can make it there within 30 minutes because my bag has been packed for at least six months beforehand.
I am late for church and have become a "back-rower" as a result. I don't mind it. And if I know the music is going to be something other than engaging, I do not miss not participating in the Entrance Hymn. Anyways, no one plays an Entrance Hymn for me. Let's just say it is not necessarily an evangelism tool when no one really cares if you show up or not. But that's a whole other topic.
How are my friendships impacted by me being late? The people who can't handle it go away mad. The people who forget that they have flaws, hound me about it, as if their nagging could change something that I have tried to change my whole entire life. The people who forgive me everything show me a kindness I cannot muster up from within myself. I do appreciate that. It gives me a few special minutes to not feel guilty and crappy. The people who are more-late than me (You know who you are!) make me feel better ... and it gives me someone to tease.
I can hardly wait to retire so that I can stop fighting this uphill battle. But that is at least five years down the road, perhaps more. So I keep on keeping on. Does anyone have the time?
One more for the road:
>As I scurried around the house getting one dog ready to go her veterinary appointment, I thought I should let all three out for one more potty break. I have a fenced in side yard. It is connected to a kinda fenced in back area ... and by "kinda" I mean: I have wire-reinforced green snow fence that forms a long area for the dogs to run. Snow fence, is primarily to prevent snow drifting but in this case, it was an economical solution to the need for a bigger area for the dogs to run.... except that it flexes a bit if you put pressure on it. I let the dogs run, and Valor spotted the ducks hanging around the pond at the back of the yard. He immediately went to the fence, leaned on it and with all his youthful enthusiasm, scaled right over it and went to the ducks. He circled the green algae-laden pond and the duck taunted him from the center. She glided in circles, her white feathering a stark contrast to the green sea of algae on which she paddled. He couldn't stand it anymore: he romped into the pond. Already at this point, I had Madeline in her crate in the car to go to the vet's office. I returned Sophia into the house for safe keeping. I ran out to the back yard to call him in, but no-dice, he wasn't interested. He had found his true sport: water + ducks and was not ready to stop. Earlier that week, I had put nice pink seat covers on the inside of my vehicle. I knew I had to make a sacrifice. The only thing this dog loves hearing more than treats are the words: "Let's go bye!" I drove out to the backyard, parked the vehicle, lifted the tailgate and yelled, "Let's go bye!" He came careening out of that duck pond (completely filthy and stinky), up into the tailgate, over the crate in the back seat, and onto the pink seat covers. I made a big deal out of him coming to me... a good big deal ... because you always want to reward a dog for listening even if the thing that came before it was utterly naughty. I drove him to the house, hauled him into his crate and left him there to stink until I could return from the vet appointment with Mad-Dog. If I didn't love dogs so much, I wouldn't survive it. 🙏
