It sounded so ugly when it came out. One of the nicest guys I know said, "I don't get mad; I get even." His intention was to sound funny or somehow like he was brimming over with machismo. But, as I said, it just sounded ugly.
It made me wonder how many times I have said something that just came out and made me look like someone I am not. I think it is important to take stock of what comes out of our mouths ... in moments when we are trying to impress people with who we are, or who we think we are. I am so busy pulling my size 8.5 foot out of my mouth I barely have time to straighten myself out.
If you are okay with living in that cycle of: blah, blah, blah + Time = Self-Condemnation for three times as long, then have at it. Frankly, I'm done. If I don't stop sooner rather than later, I will have to start sleeping with my shoes on just to protect my mouth. Yeah, don't picture that, it's just plain silly.
Recently, one of my women friends and I went out to dinner. She said to me, "We talked about Forgiveness at my Women's Group at church last week. I wanted to run something by you." I will admit rather sheepishly, okay, maybe not so sheepishly, that the Type-A in me with two Theology degrees really loves to be consulted on things Theological. So she and I had an interesting sharing of ideas regarding this topic. I told her that one thing that really frustrated me was when the secular media starts talking about forgiveness in places where, I feel, it (the Media) does NOT belong. They cannot be the arbiters of moral decision-making. I will give you two uncomfortable examples of this.
#1) Chappaquiddick. You say that word in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to anyone who is over 40 years old and heads start shaking sideways. If you don't know the story I will tell you this in a nutshell. A young woman went to a party that was attended by the then young and handsome Senator Ted Kennedy. He offered to drive her home but he was, unfortunately, as we say where I come from, "three-sheets-to-the-wind." That means he had no business behind the wheel of a vehicle. Long story short, Mary Jo Kopechne did not make it home that night because the vehicle ended up sinking in the water and she was trapped in it. Senator Kennedy walked home, soaking wet from his escape from the vehicle. He did not immediately report the accident, nor the young woman whom he left behind drowning in a submerged vehicle.
The Media had a feeding frenzy. But the question asked was: Will the people of Massachusetts forgive Senator Kennedy for this tragic accident (if that is what it was) and let him retain his seat on the Senate? And to this question I say: You asked that question to the wrong people.
Why is it, when something happens on a big scale, the responsibility is handed to The People, posing the question if THEY forgive. I think forgiveness in this situation lies in the hands of: the deceased young woman who was abandoned because her presence in the Kennedy circle was an inconvenient trifle; the family of this woman who was left to grieve and, adding insult to injury, became further victims of the political-media circus; and God Himself. Oh, um, I almost forgot: his wife Joan who was pregnant with their third child at the time... whom she subsequently miscarried.
The People re-elected Kennedy. Mr. Kopechne had the vehicle towed up onto his lawn as a token of The Grave Injustice. If you want to hear a fascinating interview, get ahold of Representative Bob Dornan interviewing the grieving father. So, aside from the power was put in the hands of the wrong people, (not like we've never seen it go bad like that before in history when mobs decide) a career became more important than a life lost. Now, take the politician you think the least of and put them in that situation. How would you vote? See my point. It becomes a political decision, not a moral one. A true gentleman who was party to a tragic accident would have STEPPED DOWN and lived a quiet life behind the scenes, repairing his family and being humble and contrite about the whole thing.
#2) The Blue Dress. Notice I did not say "the devil in the blue dress." I have had an epiphany on this story, let me tell you how. So, never running out of evil in Washington, someone named Bill who was married to a famous Senator named Hillary, got caught in a closet with someone other than Hillary. And The People were again asked, "will you forgive this man?" And The People voted yes. Somehow. BUT. Again, I'm saying, that the power to forgive is in the hands SOLELY of the one who was offended. While The People were about the business of white-washing a very vile episode, a young woman's life was being destroyed for one STUPID - very, very STUPID - and disgusting event.
Not until you hear the story of the woman caught in adultery who is dragged (by men) before Jesus and asked that He judge her, can you truly appreciate what happened to Monica's life in Washington. (cf. John 8:1-11) To be made into a public spectacle for personal indiscretion is not a desirable thing. But why is it the woman is made out to be the bad guy, so to speak, and whomever the man is - in both the Biblical story as well as the presidential story - get to go on with their powerful, influential lives? Hmmm. Riddle me this one, Bat Man.
Scrolling through You Tube last year, I found a TedTalk presentation by Monica Lewinsky. Initially I just scrolled by, but then I felt drawn to hear her speak her peace. Wow. Never did I surmise that she was yelled at and ridiculed in the streets. I did not stop to consider that not only did she experience shame, but fear and depression. She shared that her parents made her shower with the bathroom door left open a crack, because they feared she would take her own life. So, for anyone to judge her that was not personally involved or impacted by the event, is just plain out of line. It builds a culture of hate.
As Jesus said to the woman brought before Him on that day, "Where are your accusers?" Apparently the guys that dragged her there took off when He asked them which of them had not sinned. They dropped the rocks that they were fixing to throw at her and skulked away. He finished by saying to her, "Now, neither do I forgive you. Go and sin no more." Again, wow. In order for Monica to "go and sin no more" she had to leave the country and start a new life elsewhere. Meanwhile back in Washington ... the man got to stay in his job. What would a real gentleman have done? I guess we will never know.
Think for a minute if you knew any person who did the same thing in a closet at their job - would that person remained employed? My point. When you are handed the highest honor the American People can give you, "Please be our President. Be the face of America to foreign nations. Stand for Justice. Stand for Truth. Stand for Freedom and all that is Noble." When this person blunders it to such a degree, how in the heck can they be deemed "fit for Office," in fact I am wondering how that person can go on diplomatic meetings and not feel ashamed to show his face in public. I am wondering that, not out of judgment, but because there were TWO people in that closet. And one of them can't live here anymore, and the other one goes on speaking tours.
A couple of weeks ago, the Gospel readings in Mass were all about forgiveness, particularly Matthew 18:21-35 (translation for those who need it: Gospel of Matthew. Chapter 18. Verses 21-35. That's how we find stuff in The Book.) The story is fascinating. In the context of a culture that had slaves and servants and other kinds of domestic help (which I desperately need), a very generous Master writes-off the great debt of one of his servants. The servant was married with a family, and begged the Master to forgive him. Without any other reason to do so other than his benevolent nature, the Master wrote off the entire debt. (I would have put the guy on an installment payment system but that would wreck the whole point of the story.)
Next scene in the story, another servant approaches the recently forgiven servant and asks for forgiveness for a much, much lesser debt. The forgiven servant does not forgive him. In fact, he grabs him and throttles him and demands his money back. The Great Master heard of this through the grapevine of his workers. They were really shook up. The Master became very angry. He called that servant back and gave him the what-for. Rightly so, since he had forgiven such a great debt, could the forgiven one not do the same for a much lesser debt?
It is a great story. And we all would like to think if we were IN the story we would be either the Benevolent Master, or a very good example of a servant who would forgive. We like to think that way of ourselves. But sometimes we are not that great.
I am not, at this point, going to share my recent story of how someone I trusted to do the right thing wronged me and cost me a lot of money. Because that story is not over yet. It will finish off beautifully when the Lord is finished doing His work. And I must wait.
I do want to say this about Forgiveness: All of these great examples are daunting. In our stubbornness, we refuse to let them inspire us to be better, healthier people because we wrongly think forgiveness is a gift we are giving to the person who wronged us. But the Forgiveness is not really for the other person .... The Jerk, as it were. Forgiveness is for ME. It is for YOU. Here's why: Because when I hold onto that bad mojo of unforgiveness inside my gut, it makes me sick. I (or you) as a human being run the risk of these illnesses: elevated blood pressure, nervous symptoms, stomach troubles, heart attacks. I (or you) as a human being run the risk of these emotional illnesses: paranoia, obsession, vengefulness, a spirit of unforgiveness, and separation from the peace of God. So as I wrap this up, so you can digest it all, I ask you to consider this: Hasn't the person already done enough wrong to you, that you would let them keep on robbing you more and more by the unforgiveness you are holding inside of you? Isn't it time to do YOURSELF a FAVOR and cut it loose?
Forgiveness does not mean there are not consequences. Sometimes there has to be consequences - legal, financial, material, whatever. But other times these forms of Justice cannot be achieved. Perhaps the right cannot be restored. Yet we can choose to not harbor the grudge, roll it over in our minds at night, seethe at the mention of the person's name. We just have to take out our mental scissors and cut that piece of history out of our brains and set it aside, to not keep running back to the picture over and over again. Better yet we can pray for the person that is our enemy. Pray that he or she come to know Christ so that they can feel all of the forgiveness the Great Master has to offer and amend his/her life. In the end, I think we all want to live together in peace.
"And let the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7)
In the words of my immortal friend, Saint Sabina of Tempe: "Let go and Let God. That's what I do."
