The Language of
Communication
“I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant’s faithful 100 percent!” This line from a famous children’s book
reminded children (and the adults who read to them) of the importance of verbal
integrity. You say what you mean. You mean what you say. Anything more or less gets you in trouble. Recently at work someone I don’t know well
walked by my desk and asked me what kind of ice cream I like. I told her.
She said she was going out and would bring me some. She came back two hours later and said she
had been sitting outside and it melted.
I am a middle aged, adult woman. Her little white lie shouldn’t have bothered
me. But it did. At first I felt a child-like sense of
disappointment. Then I remembered that
when she initially asked me it felt awkward that someone who owes me nothing
was offering to do something outside the lines of the page I am coloring. Then I did a little research and found out
that this offer was part of a fabrication.
Her behavior was confusing to me.
But now I know I’m going to be a lot more cautious about anything that she says because her debut
of words was initially dishonest. Think
about it, if someone is insincere or dishonest about a small thing, can you
expect them to be honest and true about more important things?
I hear a lot of language during the day. I hear communication of information that is
needed (at work). I hear junk that is
totally unnecessary (on the radio, see above rant on the Media). I hear people being kind and sensitive and I
also hear people being frustrated. I am
often surprised that the word that was previously restricted to use by spray
paint artists on bridges and uneducated bumpkins with no class at all is now
used by practically everyone. I have to
admit that I’ve even “thought it” when the guy ran a stop sign and almost hit
my vehicle –with me in it – last summer.
But we all need to ask ourselves if this makes it better when we vent it
out in such a hostile manner. That word
has never been known to make a friend or diffuse a situation. And I won’t even get into how incredibly
sexist it is by implication…. We just need to stop. I’ve even substituted my old Emergency
Management Word with the word “sharks.”
After all, I have people who need better behavior from me – they need to
see Grace Under Pressure, not Impatience at the Wheel.
Private phone calls in public places are a new thing out of
control. I was recently sitting three
tables away from someone on their cell phone who went into all kinds of
admittedly boring details about her love life as if it mattered. She was explaining to someone who might have
cared more if they heard less. But I, in
fact, needed to hear NONE of it. Yak-yak-yak,
YAWN. But not only that, it was ear
pollution. If I wanted this kind of
drama I’d turn on a television set and watch one of the Judge programs, at
least Someone eventually tells them to be quiet. People need to have some self-respect and keep
their private world private. I can
assure you that when I am standing in the line at the grocery store, I do not
want to hear you review your grocery list with your person on the phone; nor do
I want to hear anything else. As a culture, we have become so self-centered
we don’t hold back on exposing complete strangers to our data. Just STOP.
It’s like what? When
I taught high school, I used to say to the kids, “Don’t tell me what it’s
LIKE. Tell me what it IS.” That is in response to the incredible over
use of the word “like.” If you listen to
the like-abuse in context, it is almost always self-reflexive. “It’s like I was saying that ….” And, “You know, like, it was so mean of
him to think he’s, like, all that and, well, whatever.” Mostly these sentences are content-free….
which is exactly what is happening to language all around us.
Language ceases to be communication when
there is no content to it. The art of
communication used to involve encoding (I put a message together and convey it
to another person) and decoding (the other person tries to make sense out of
the data). When there is NO content, the
process breaks down. What is left
without communication? Um, it’s like,
dude, I don’t know.
So, truth, self-control, and clarity are things we need to
guide back into our language system. It
will be part of creating a more nurturing, respectable climate. It will set the tone for a peaceful
civilization. It’s about time, don’t you
think?
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