Never Walk Alone with Exploding Shoes

Never Walking Alone with Exploding Shoes

I did not move here to New York from Arizona (aka Paradise) because I decided “I love 4 seasons.”  I moved here because what seemed like a good idea at the time was actually a wrong turn.  At least, that’s how it appears most of the time to me – and I ought to know, I am the one living it.  I cannot go into all the details except to say that I moved here to Central NY over 25 years ago because of love and it exploded in my face.  It was an almost instant ignition and left me stunned, but somehow glad.  I don’t know what made me think it would work anyways, but my optimism switch can be stubborn to un-do once I engage it, especially in matters of the heart.  So he is off living his life elsewhere, and I am here living mine.  I am not bitter about that; I wouldn’t bring him back into the scenario for any reason. 

If I explained more about this period of my life, it would appear as one big complaint.  Frankly, I am aware that we each have our own complaints and you don’t want to read mine.  Especially because the pen would be smoking hot and even without naming names, people would feel badly.  So I lay that aside.  What I want to talk about really is how in the middle of apparent adversity there can be a sense of Presence.  Yes.  THAT Presence.  I think it is important to articulate it.

One of the things that become such a paralyzing factor in life is money, or lack thereof.  For some people, money defines their social circle and shapes their personality.  It designates the neighborhood where they will love; the stores in which they will shop; probably the people they will marry.  It dictates their wardrobe and what they have to do to make a living to pay for that wardrobe.  It also places an unfair sense of obligation on them not unlike winning the lottery:  all of a sudden everybody wants to be around you … like barnacles on one of the tall-ships docked in the Boston Harbor.  Just try to scrape them off.  Impossible.  It’s easier just to tolerate them and hose them down with cold water occasionally. 

They say this happens to people who win the lottery:  long-lost relatives appear out of nowhere.  My cousin Marty once said to me that I should never hang my ID badge in my car because people could scam me.  Theoretically, they would read it, walk up to me, address me by my name and then kidnap me because I would think I might know them.  Yeah, whatever.  They’d bring me back after about ten minutes.  I am the only person in the world who causes Jehovah’s Witnesses to sprint away from their doorstep.  I start asking them to answer my questions – and you don’t want to fool with me when I am holding a Bible in MY hand!  LOL.

I keep telling God that I would be generous – even more generous – if I had extra cash.  And in my heart I believe that.  And then it became imperative for me to leave my part time job.  Well, it was either that, or leave my integrity and sanity.  And the latter two tend to matter more to me than anything else.  The intriguing thing is that when you do what appears to be God’s Will or flow with the Divine Plan – however you choose to label it – He starts looking out for your interests too.  The Bible uses the Hebrew word sedeq to describe that.  It’s His righteousness, His faithfulness and it is something you can really itemize.  Just look at the psalm – I forget the number, so there’s your homework – where every verse lists a deed that God did for Israel and the response is “for His mercy endures forever.”  Mercy is sedeq.  It’s Him not leaving you in the fire alone.  For Him, mercy is a driving force for all He does for humans.

Remember that classic movie where the title declares:

“When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high, and don’t be afraid of the night.  At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of the lark.  Walk on, walk on through your hills and your fields and you’ll never walk alone.  You’ll never walk alone.”

I tear-up every time I hear that song.  I’ve seen those storms firsthand – and I know the song is right about the not walking alone.  I’ve seen sickness, death, tragedy, unemployment and all kinds of “stuff” and I know that I am not walking alone.

Heck, I’m so happy my shoes are exploding.  Let me tell you how:  I prayed for money.  No, seriously, I did.  I just asked God to help me out so that I can meet my obligations.  He gave me a little part time job.  That’s cool.  But it’s the other stuff that actually filled me with laughter just to watch it happen.

      I ordered flea medication for the dogs online.  The company contacted me via email and said they were giving me a $15 gift certificate.  Great.  So I called them up and asked how much cockatiel seed would that buy?  Two and a half three-pound bags.  The girl on the phone said, “Wait a minute.  Let me look at your account.  You actually have a thirteen dollar credit.”  I was able to get three bags, shipping covered, and only owed 42 cents.  Rock the planet, baby!

      I emailed the guy I buy dog food from online and asked if there was a food that would help my dog that has Cushing’s disease (think:  always thirsty, always drinking, always peeing; and me letting dogs out twice nightly after I’ve been asleep).  He said, “Hey we’ve got this new Elite dogfood out there and we’d like you to try it if you want.  Can I send you two bags?”  Sure.  I expected bags the size of potato chip bags. He sent me two FORTY POUND BAGS of dog food for free!  Insert icon of me dancing here.

      My vehicle has 187K miles on it.  For those of you who are mathematically challenged, the K stands for “add a comma and three zeroes.”  I was kind of dreading putting extra summer miles on it.  Then the airbag recall got enforced.  I was asked to park my vehicle in my own garage until they could secure the part – the new airbag – for installation.  I’ve been driving a 2016 rental for over a month.  Yep, for free.  Well, granted, it’s a tiny sedan and I feel like I’m sitting in a bleeping pea-pod and when I stand up to get out I have to contort my body to extract myself.  But it’s free and it’s all good.

      Then I was looking at my shoes and thinking how I’d like a nice pair of Clark’s.  I think I pushed my luck.  My good friend gave me a huge bag full of shoes.  I sorted through and I found …. The Clark’s.  I was happier than …. Well insert just about any metaphor here.  Day one, I wore them into work.  Ah, luscious.  They conform to your foot, give you excellent support and make you just feel happy.  I went into the side room, you know the one with the bowl in it, and sat down.  For no particular reason, I pointed my toe.  The shoe exploded.  Yeah, no kidding.  The seams and their threads had seen better days.  I find that very funny.  There were other pairs of shoes that fit just fine.  I will have to get my own Clark’s someday, but for now, I’m in good shape.

All of these blessings happened in the time frame of about four months.  Apparently the Almighty is not so busy running the rest of the universe that He can’t pay attention to me.  It just makes me love Him more.  And maybe that’s what it’s all about.  And for now, well, I’m just not walking alone – no matter what shoes I am wearing – and I’m good with that.

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