Denial – No Longer Just a River in Egypt
It has been almost 3 weeks since I heard the word “Impeachment.” Not that I’m missing it, to be sure. The media fed us a steady, no – unyielding and
relentless – diet of impeachment:
threats, promises, alleged new facts, unearthed (not) new
developments. It made me sick to my
stomach that an entire group of people demonized another and pursued his demise
like vicious dogs. Things got to the
point that when I would turn on the radio looking for entertainment or perhaps
distraction and I heard the I-word I would switch the station to elevator
muzak. Now, you KNOW it’s bad when you
prefer elevator muzak to the other.
Then came a new word:
COVID19. It sounds like a top secret
government project, and years from now we may find out that it was, in fact, a
laboratory project that escaped to contaminate the world. They initially called it “corona” because the
virus itself had a shape like a crown.
But I guess as a favor to the beer industry they changed it to the
scientific-sounding name so that when the epidemic is over, the beer
manufacturer wouldn’t be. Imagine the
problem their marketing team is going to have as it is – the name of their beer
made so many people around the world dreadfully ill and in some cases killed
them. Even Dilbert can’t make humor out
of that marketing disaster.
One of my favorite bloggers is using this as an opportunity
to keep a Blog Diary. He is a
priest. I know he will use it to inspire
and encourage. But what if it gets to a
point like Robin Williams’ character in the movie “Jacob the Liar” where he can’t
say anything good that is true? Or
maybe, just maybe, we have collectively lost sight of what is ALWAYS TRUE…. because we are
in a form of collective denial.
It is
ALWAYS TRUE that God loves humanity and walks through this valley of tears WITH US.
We live
in a fallen world where things like viruses exist and they hurt us or people we care
about.
about.
But the fact that we DO care about
someone, about something, shows that there is an underlying LOVE inside us –
the evidence of God’s presence among us.
There are brave and brilliant
people who go to work to address the issue directly. They feed, heal, clothe those in need. They work tireless hours in laboratories and
manufacturing plants to find answers, cures, and testing procedures to support
the end goal of LIFE.
There are ordinary people who may
not fall into that category but can do their part in behind-the-scenes
ways. We can encourage. We can tell a joke. We can pray.
We can listen. We can walk
through this together.
We can seek for a larger
perspective together, so it is not as frightening. That is an important task.
We can do things that support our
front liners. We can write a check or
send take out or lend dvd’s for down-time.
The list goes on.
Maybe you need to think of your list of what is ALWAYS TRUE. I started clearing my mind by washing my floor
and doing some laundry. These are tasks
I usually have to “squeeze” into my schedule, but under the circumstances, I’m
doing a lot less driving, running around, and useless galivanting. Having my wings clipped, as it seems, is not
bad but I have a reasonable doubt in my mind that I am going to be so at peace
with it if it stretches on for too long.
My floors will be immaculate
though.
When it was suggested that I should work at home I kind of
went into a little bit of denial. This can’t
be happening. I will wear a mask, aren’t
we over-reacting? (ideas of a person who
did certainly see the worldwide pictures on the news.) In my brain, it felt like being labeled “non-essential”
personnel was shameful. That’s not how
it was said. But that is how it
felt. Until I pondered that I would
actually be more out of harm’s way and that I do, in fact, enjoy spending
extended periods with my dogs. It may
feel like retirement a little bit.
Except it is NOT like retirement. It is not happy circumstances to be home when
people you care very much about are in another state, or across town, or at
your place of work… without you. You
want to be with them. The very word “compassion”
comes from two words meaning “to suffer-with.”
So there you have it: my desire
to be with people I care about vs. my need to not get ill.
And lest I fail to mention it, not being able to go to
Walmart any time that I’d like is killing me quicker than a virus would. Heaven help us. I have used Walmart as a place to wander
around and see things, and shop, and observe people, and just basically walk
around. It has served as my excuse
behind the delusion that when I’m asked, “Do you exercise?” I say: “Yeah. I walk around.” Leaving the word “Walmart” out of the sentence
being a detail.
The lost cast member from Duck Dynasty works at my
landfill. And I find him … fun. I guess I’d say, “fun” would be the word for
now. I don’t know him. I don’t know his name. He had on blue nitrile gloves today and
looked somewhat like Papa Smurf with a beard.
Until he called across the room, “HEY, BEAUTIFUL!” Well THAT took me by surprise. His co-worker had a look on his face
like: You did NOT just say that. Buddy, you could get in trouble.” Well, he won’t get in trouble for saying
it. Not to me. Because when you’ve been home with the dogs
for 3 days, crunching numbers for work, checking voice mails, cleaning house, shoveling
dog poop, anything to get your brain to not worry – really TRYING to put your
faith in God that this too shall pass – the man that calls you “beautiful” has
just given you a gift. I will pray for him in the weeks to come. Who would have guessed that working at a
landfill could be the frontlines of being able to MINISTER to people at a time
like this?!
To back-track a bit – three weeks ago I thought I’d give up
watching television on worknights for Lent.
I did fine on week one. Then,
things got a little more intense with the virus information and I realized I
was going to actually NEED television to distract my emotional system from what
is going on. This is no time for heroic
gestures. I lived for the better part of
30 YEARS without owning a television so I know that I can DO IT if I need to,
that’s not the issue. It’s just a tool I
would like to now make use of for my own balance.
I knew that giving up chocolate was out of the
question. I also knew that I gave up
Dunkin’ Donuts drive through last year and that left me feeling a little, shall
we say, belligerent? There may have been
days where I was, um, perhaps a little edgy.
Let’s skip that. So last week I
took out the Divine Office, which is a Catholic prayer book composed mainly of
the Psalms. I decided if I prayed that
once a day, it would be a good practice.
Indeed. Most of the Lenten
readings were about praying for God to deliver us from bad things. The timeliness of the prayers of every single
day were not lost on me.
I am coming to rely on at least one good word from The Good
Book a day to help me navigate the new normal.
I think that denial has to yield way to a transition period. Things are not the way they were. But going forward we have to make a path. In some cases, we are going to return to what
we used to do. I may go back to my
office. I may start teaching Bible study
again. I hope to be able to travel in
the future. But we are unlikely to go
back to tolerating the speed at which we were all functioning (or dys-functioning). This can be a great opportunity to put things
in proper perspective and focus on what matters most. That’s what I think is possible. We just have to choose it.
#####################
No comments:
Post a Comment