The Breaking of the American Spirit

05/20/2020

The veterinarian used a word I’d rather not hear:  “rare.”  I was sitting in my vehicle outside the clinic and the Vet was on the inside with my dog …. Where I wanted to be, save for “COVID19 safe distancing.”  It began two weeks ago with my dog’s eye looking red and the lower interior eyelid (an extra feature) seeming irritated.  Then I noticed her lower lip on that side drooped and drooling.  And her nose was plugged up … most likely kitty litter, as she hunted for a snack.  Yeah, dogs have some reprehensible habits.  So after playing “Home Vet” myself for a week and a half – saline flushing the nostril, gently, and terramycin drops in her eye – and seeing little to no improvement save for the lower lip getting better (I massaged it often), I hauled her in for a vet visit.

A rare partial facial paralysis.  Maybe due to thyroid.  Maybe due to infection.  Maybe, we don’t know.  She’s only eight years old, hardly a senior citizen.  Just last year at this time she had a litter of puppies.  How quickly life changes, and without my permission, if I do say so.  So the new part of normal This Week  is eye ointment antibiotic, eye ointment for lubrication, and a tablet antibiotic.   I made a grid on my kitchen table and began keeping track of my tasks.  I can manage this.  I’ve managed worse. 

So I took a break this evening and walked a mile at the horse track.  And I started to ponder again the things that matter to me.  The whole world is in a tail-spin (it seems) and no one knows who we are believing for good direction: 

The doctor that, while he is head of Infectious Disease in this country, also is accused of participating in financing Wuhan Labs with our American money.  Was he part of making this disease for study purposes?

The president that has been so busy fighting to save his own skin for the past 4 years from his merciless, lying and brainless opponents – and yet he can’t seem to help himself with the barbs and jabs on Twitter – come on, be professional for 5 minutes so we know you got this.

The governor that shuts down the entire state because his part of the state is hit the worst in the country… his concern for human life seems exponential because he often uses the phrase “out of an abundance of caution” or something like that …. Too bad he doesn’t have that kind of concern for the babies that are full term that he wants to allow to be executed when they come out of the womb if their mothers don’t want them.

The bishop who, despite a clear shortage of priests during the regular term of life prior to COVID-19, (I have heard) thinks that when we re-open we should have “more Masses” so people can practice safe distancing.  Look, my friend, ever since the clergy scandals, a lot of people began to practice their own form of social distancing:  not showing up at all.  The Church has an image problem that it thinks it can somehow ignore and all of a sudden be the Bastion of Spiritual Support that it should have always been, right now.  Um, yeah, not happening.  I am going to “online Mass” in other states where the homilies have some content and zeal and perspective.  I feel abandoned by the local church for more than one reason.

So my point is, not to be ugly, but to admit that the leadership in every realm has various disconnects that have hurt their image with the public.  Consequently, it is far beyond a partisan issue.  No one knows WHO to trust.  And don’t get me started on the godless Media that still, in the middle of this healthcare nightmare, tries to twist the words and agenda when they are interviewing any of these key people.  Where’s Commandant Pelosi when we can finally identify people who are TRULY guilty of Treason:  the greater part of our national Media. 

And among those of us who pay cash …. I have noticed a lot of interesting subdivisions:

Ø  The people who think this is a hoax designed to take away our freedom, break down the populace, and create a climate for the social revolution that the Progressives want. 

Ø  The people who are patiently complying, trying to keep their wits about them by clinging to faith, family and a memory of freedom from days gone by.

Ø  The people who are scared out of their brains watching too much news, and thinking that anyone who does anything that is in their particular political party is a gift from God Himself.

Ø  The rebels who won’t be told what to do, even if people around them are dropping like flies. 

Ø  The sheep who are doing every single thing to the “nth” power just in case…. They were the ones who were most nervous on the eve of Y2K.

Ø  The people who think this is God’s way of stopping our break-neck speed merri-go-round and making us take stock of what is truly important.  Does God do that in such a terrible way? 

Ø  Those who are distracting themselves in every possible way so as not to be overwhelmed by having the Rug of Regular Life ripped from under their feet.

I may have missed a group or two.  Some of the groups overlap, but you get the point.  My humble observation:  We are still needing to pull together.  Last week, I unfriended a person on Facebook who probably won’t miss me …. I didn’t like her relentless postings that slurred and belittled my particular political party.  When I told her that I had hoped we could remain friends, but was insulted by a recent name-calling she posted, she told me it was “up to me” if I was insulted by her words.  Come on, sister.  That’s like the guy who drives down the highway blaring his horn and has his left window down giving everyone a single-digit traffic signal as he flies along:  he offends EVERYBODY.  It’s just a shock to the sensibilities of regular people who have their own opinions – and are entitled to them – and would prefer to be left unscarred by crass behavior around them.  I wish we would have a National No-Name Calling Month.  I can’t hope that we could make it last a whole year.  My faith in “us” is not that strong.

So while I wonder if I can get back to the things that mattered to me, and cling more tightly to what I still have (my dogs, my family, my friends, my faith) I am confused by what the future will look like.  Will yellow school buses never pass my driveway again?  Will Disneyland re-open?  Can I drive across the state lines to go sit by the ocean with my friends?  Will the economy rebound from this “eventually” like it always seems to do?  Will I go back to work physically for the last few years before I retire?  (frankly if these 8 weeks are a taste of retirement:  more dog-time, more lap-top- time, more time to cook better food and take walks so I don’t turn into a pear-shaped elderly Polish auntie, more conversations on the phone with friends & family….. BRING ON RETIREMENT, BABY!!!).

Two weeks ago, Fr. Mike’s online homily (from Ascension Press) he made the most salient point I’ve heard yet:  “We just want TO KNOW …. “  we want to know how this or that will turn out. …. Or how THIS particularly will turn out.  We feel like we will be at peace …. if we just knew …. BUT that is not the nature of Trust.  It is the opportunity for us to say:  “Jesus, I trust in You …. even through this situation.” 

I used to sing a song in Church with the words from Psalm 23:  “though through the dark valley I pass, I am not afraid.  Your rod and your staff are beside me to give me strength.”  His staff may be for guidance, but I know also that rod is for correction.  This is our Season of Rod & Staff, as it is.  Huh.  And I thought the dark valley was my dating life….

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Red Herrings and the Human Condition

I began the National Quarantine with military-like precision.  I had a plan, a rhythm of each day that I was going to follow and that was going to tide me through the Thing… which I anticipated would be about two weeks.  I would simultaneously remain joyful, lose weight, and develop a perfectly monastic prayer life.  I would turn the lemons into lemonade, and do it with triumph.

When I hit week five I noticed my regimen had deteriorated at week 3.  So much for my apostolic zeal.  But thinking about the bigger picture, I do not think my experience is atypical.  Like dieting, the moment you realize you haven’t been faithful to the original diet plan, there is a strong temptation to just throw the whole thing out the window as useless.  You begin telling yourself that you are okay as you are, you don’t have to lose the weight this year, you’re not as fat as Haystacks Calhoun on Hee-Haw so you should go easy on yourself.  All of those are true but they are wrongly colored fish:  red herrings, to be precise.

Red herrings make me really angry.  I mean it.  When I am hearing a discussion with two people and one of them throws a diverting red herring into the conversation, I can feel my pulse get fast and wild.  That’s because I hate manipulation in all its forms.  So rather than make glorious excuses for why I failed at my daily schedule, I started to look at things I actually did accomplish.  That gave me the “power” to realize I can cooperate with grace and put myself back on track with the schedule thing to a certain degree.

I am hard on myself for reasons known only to me.  But maybe that is one thing I can begin to change now.  So I thought I would share some of the home-bound accomplishments with you and encourage you to make your own list to get some traction beneath your feet too.

Ø  I began to be able to have fixed meal times.  At the point at which I left work-at-work, to become a worker-at-home, I had fallen into to three bad habits:  1)  breakfast on the run; 2) lunch at 2pm (with accompanying headache and crankiness); and 3) dinner at 7:30 because by the time I got home and got into the mood to eat, I had no good meal plan in place. 

Ø  I started to put more thought into what I was going to eat.  Tonight, I have homemade beef stroganoff on jasmine rice.  Don’t be too impressed, there are still TV dinners in the freezer, and mini cannoli’s in the refrigerator, but this is improvement.

Ø  I am able to leave a glass of water on the counter or table in plain view as a reminder that I need to stay hydrated to stay healthy in so many ways.

Ø  The Instapot that my dearest friend from high school days gave me two years ago for Christmas has finally gotten some use.  Yes, the beef stroganoff.  But did I mention the bundt cake pan?  No?  Well … let me tell you:  one cup of water in bottom of Instapot.  Put trivet down.  Mix ½ of orange cake mix, 1/6 cup oil, ½ cup orange juice, 1 egg.  Fold in semi-sweet chips because life is short.  Put it in the bundt pan with a piece of foil draped over the top gently.  Cook high pressure 22 minutes, 10 minutes natural steam release.  Try it.  You will thank me.

Ø  I tore out a raised bed that had dry-rotted wood and burned it.  In its place I put WTA (White Trash Art) – a truck tire painted blue (I want EVERY color rustoleum for my birthday this year!).  I put it in place as a planter and threw some echinacea tubers in there.  It will look fabulous when they bloom.

Ø  I have visited the farm next door more times in the past six weeks than in the past six years almost.  The horse and I have had some nice social time together – neither of us wearing masks, daredevils that we are.  The ducks and I have a game we play when I tend my fire pit.  It’s called “Silly Ducks!”  a version of Silly Goose?  They toddle under the fence and start wandering around the backside of the barn and I call to them:  “You Sillies!  Go back to the pasture!”  And then they scoot back under the fence.  We have done this numerous times because none of us has anything better to do.  My social life is on the par of a clutch of ducks.

Ø  I have finished a bunch of craft-painting projects:  two bird houses, a cranberry scoop, and three decoupage boxes.  That was accomplished weeks 4 and 5 when I thought I was going to snap from being inside and the rainy overcast weather that kept coming through this area.

Ø  I actually spoke with someone about getting a wife for Valor… and then they promptly sold the dog to someone else – which is because I couldn’t bring myself to place a deposit on a dog in OHIO.  I told her, “I don’t know when the borders will be open between the states; I would have to find an open hotel as well for the six-hour travel.”  That was two weeks ago and there still is a lot of ambivalence about travel and “opening” the country at large.

Ø  There were two nights last week where I skipped watching television.  At first television was a diversion.  Then it became what it always promised to be:  mind numbing.  I felt like the lives of Blue Bloods and the cast of Young Sheldon were more “real” than I was because at least they were eating dinner together.

Ø  I would like to, at this point, give a shout out to my Mother who talks to me every two or three days.  She makes me think I am checking on her.  We all know, she is really checking on me.  Although she did worry when I indicated the dogs were talking to me.  Hey, when Rex Harrison did it in the movie as Dr. Doolittle, he made everybody happy and grossed well at the box office.  When I do it, my family wants to take me into the mental health clinic.  I can’t catch a break, can I?

Ø  I am grateful for the young women next door who go on walks with me and the dogs periodically.  They say the average woman uses 30,000 words a day.  I am so far behind on my allotted usage, I feel like I have all these words crashing around in my head screaming:  “Let me out!  Let me out!”  Our walk & talks have been great.

Ø  I have washed my floor a few times in six weeks.  That is an accomplishment.  I have vacuumed one drawer, and cleaned up the bathroom closet.  More to come …

Ø  My mission relative to my people who have to go into work is to be of Good Cheer.  This is not necessarily my natural disposition, which is more like Maxine the cartoon character, I think.  So I send in food, or bring them candy, and put happy or funny things online when we chat throughout the day.

Ø  I had a snag yesterday when my laptop ate my thumb drive contents and therein used to be some chapters for my Family Legacy book I am compiling.   Let’s just say the wallpaper in the dining room curled slightly at the edges because I kept repeating the same word that sounded almost like “ship.”  I just walked away from that in a purple haze of fury.  Then as I tried to fall asleep, I remembered, there is one more place I can look on another computer …. Ah yes.  There they were, the little buggers.  My little chapters waiting to be thumb-drived again.

Ø  My deck is partially ready for summertime lounging.  Last year that would have sounded awesome to be in the month of May and have the deck ready for flowers and lawn chairs, etc.  This year, it sounds just like an OUTSIDE version of what I am already doing INSIDE the house:  waiting for nothing that I know of. 

So those are my updates.  I have more to do.  The list is longer than I care to admit.  And it appears we will have “more time” to do those things…. SIGH.  But as a parting suggestion I would say if you haven’t bought yourself a little bouquet of carnations or flowers of some sort lately:  DO IT.  The perk-up when you see bright cheerful colors on the countertop is so worth it!

Until the next rambling – Respectfully yours – Me writing from Dog Central.

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